apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

I live with my boyfriend and two other roommates - we moved in about two months ago. The boyfriend and I try to green each other as much as we can, but our roommates are less inclined that way. (Although one of them religiously saves spaghetti sauce jars! There's hope!)

I've started with infrastructure-related things, like a low-flow shower head, a water-filled soda bottle in the toilet tank, and power strips on the TV and computer-chargers. I've been advocating for Craigslist furniture. Now that it's getting darker earlier, I'm going to start the chorus of please-will-you-turn-off-the-light-when-you-leave. Let's hope I can keep it polite...!

I'm also trying to be the one buying the household staples (soap, toilet paper) so that I can get greener ones. Luckily, we share the household work in other ways, so if I do the shopping, someone else cooks, etc.

You can't "green" another person, and you really shouldn't try. He has to decide he wants to do these things for himself and on his own volition. You can be an advocate, educator and model. But you have to stop short of being a judge. Anything even remotely resembling shaming him is only going to produce badness all around.

You can ask him to do things FOR you, sometimes as a favor, but also just as a way for him to be nice to you. For example, putting down the toilet seat is a non-green example of something you might ask him to do for you, but not exactly as a favor.

But these things have to be negotiated and discussed explicitly and in advance. And again, the shame has to be left at the door.

Money. I started with the money.

I grew up in an environmentally conscious household - and my mother was a single working mom. So we used cloth napkins because it was cheaper to wash and re-use than to continuously buy new packages of paper napkins. Add to that the obvious step-up that cloth napkins and are that was an easy transition. Ditto from paper-towels to bar-mops. (with the exception of kitty barf.)

As for cleaners - I'm very sensitive to synthetic fragrances and then I pointed out that anything toxic we use will leave a residue. Kitties walk over the residue, it sticks to their paws, they lick their paws and ingest toxins. If you don't have pets or children - think of the counter tops. The Chlorine in the cleaners will remain on the counter top - even a little bit - and then you prepare food and eat the food...

We did the "shut off power switches and unplug small appliances" as a month-long experiment. It was actually the last 3 weeks of the month, but I used the end of the month as the cut-off. He agreed. The entertainment unit (tv, dvd, cds, wii) is on a power strip, and the coffee maker, grinder, toaster oven, etc all got unplugged when not in use. There's a clock on the microwave AND the stove and an analogue clock (wedding gift) over the tv - so that problem was addressed. After 3 weeks it was habit. When the utilities bill arrived $80 cheaper with no real weather change to account for it..he was sold.

Fast forward about two years and he even takes the compost over to my moms house for me.

Good luck!


http://embritadesign.blogspot.com

There are definitely things that my husband does that are "green"-- rides his bike to work, drinking from a reusable water bottle, uses reusable bags for groceries, recycles waste, etc. So when there are things that he does that aren't as green, I don't sweat it. I think sometimes that are things that are a good compromise. And I agree that people need to be on board themselves with the green movement. Baby steps, for all of us.

Your bf is a giant baby and needs to act like an adult instead of stomping around and sulking because you don't want poisonous chemicals in your house or an enormous utility bill. You can't make him green, but you can reduce your stress load by putting his wasteful giant baby ass out on the curb for someone else to reuse. Or recycle. Whichever.

I am serious. If his values are not your values, do you really want to be in a long-term relationship with him? If he talks the talk but "freaks out" when you note that he doesn't walk the walk, do you really want to have this kind of push-back, in your own home, Every Single Freaking Day?

More than anything, shared values and priorities are key to a healthy relationship.

I totally agree with Jezebella!

And this: "You can't "green" another person, and you really shouldn't try."

Of course you should try - if you live with them, you have to put up with the consequences of their non-green behaviours, like higher bills to pay and - worse - toxic chemicals from their cleaning products that affect your health.

Not to mention we *all* live with the consequences of global warming!

i certainly don't advocate judging someone you love that harshly, because clearly he has a number of good traits. you can't hold things over someone's head, and it NEVER helps to get nasty about it. my boyfriend is an american-car-driving, meat-eating kind of guy, but he's still been willing to make room for a recycling bin, carry my grocery totes from the farmers' market (he even tries veggies now!) and take public transportation.

if i had been pushy and self-righteous, there'd be no reason for him to do any of those things because we probably wouldn't be in a relationship at all. the way i see it, it's better that he's making changes at a rate he's comfortable with, and that i'm around to be proud of him.

I try to just lead by example, when i can carry all my groceries in one trip (b/c of canvas bags) but when he goes to the store and he's got to make 2/3 trips from the car to apt he'll get it. Or why he always has to rush b/c he did laundry at night left the dryer running as we go to bed, but in the am the clothes are still moist so he's got to run it again, and mine are always dry when i wake (line dry) he stopped to ask - granted I make suggestions too, like "why don't you line dry those" "because they aren't going to dry" "well why not hang them up and see, if they aren't dry then you could always toss them in the dryer in the AM".......and it worked...he saw the light.

A lot of these things are just people's habits, changing a habit is work, people tend to think that how they do something is the right way, showing them or letting them try differently might open their eyes.

Positive reinforcement
never negative

What is he, a dog? Seriously. There should be consequences for ass-hat behavior. Negative ones.

It may just take a bit of reasoning. Why is he being so resistant to the changes... say, let's start with the tote bags. Inconvenient? Is it really so terrible to grab them on the way out and plunk them on the conveyer belt? Ask, genuinely listen, offer an alternative, make it simple. Put the cloth rags in an easy place to find. Throw them in the laundry instead of the trash. What's the difference? Less trash to haul out... a few pennies saved... hmm, mostly good ones.